Fool in Love
by Needleice
Summary: He loved me once. I think, at first. It changed though, it got bad. I was afraid. I was a fool in love.
1. Prolouge

We were in love once. It didn't start like this, I promise. I'm not a mouse-brain. Okay. Maybe I'm not quite right in the head, but would you be? After all that's happened? Perhaps you haven't heard the full story. The real story. My name is Islanddance, born a rouge but now I stay in RiverClan. For how long, I couldn't tell you. It won't be for much longer I don't think...there are too many bad memories here, but where will I go? Maybe...ThunderClan. My savior is there, he doesn't know it, but he's my hero. I hope he hears my story, he'll help me if he does. He's a good cat, nothing like his brother. Starting to get the picture now?

It started with my first love, Smoky, the barn cat. I had just wandered into the area and he let me stay with him, Daisy, and Floss. He always loved Floss the most though, Daisy and I agree on this. Daisy...I miss her, but I hear she's in ThunderClan now. Another reason to go. You see, I was supposed to have Smoky's kits, but they were born dead. It was horrible. The Twolegs...they captured me afterwards, brought me to the Cutter, the Cutter didn't well, _cut_ anything, but it changed me. Losing my kits, being taken by Twolegs, I ran away. I didn't go back to the barn. I found a little island in the middle of a stream. Island, like me. That's why I stayed there. I figured it would be good luck.

It sure seemed like it. The moment I saw those ice blue eyes, I knew that I had to become a Clan cat. He helped me. I fell for him, and I think he fell for me too. It changed too quickly though. Far too quickly.


	2. Hawkfrost

"Who are you and why are you here?" he demanded, padding closer and unsheathing his claws.

Island gulped and took a step backward, also unsheathing her claws, her pelt prickling in fear, "I-Island," she stammered, then controlled herself, mewoing more firmly, "This is where I live."

An odd flicker of warmth flashed through his ice blue gaze and he sat, sheathing his claws, "I won't chase you away. I know what it's like to lose your home. You bets hide though, some of my Clanmates aren't so understanding," he darted off, and Island could hear him talking to some cats on the mainland. Other voices answered him.

I wasn't sure what a Clan was, but I believed that hiding was my best option. I hurried over to a tree with twisted roots and squeezed into the small space that served as my den. The cat with the ice blue eyes would tell me what to do next, wouldn't he? I closed my eyes and waited.

* * *

I hadn't realized that I fell asleep. A scuffling sounded outside my den and I heard two voices. His voice, and other she-cat's voice. I pushed myself further back and gasped in fear as the moss embedded between the roots was torn away and the two cats stared down at me. The tom, his friendly icy gaze already so familiar purred in greeting, "Hey Island. Sorry I had to make you hide before I could tell you what's going on. I'm Hawkfrost and this is my sister, Mothwing." he nodded towards the beautiful she-cat beside him.

Mothwing's eyes narrowed at me, but she mewed, "Hello there Island. We don't want to chase you out. You see, we were loners like you once."

Hawkfrost nodded and continued, "We were recently chased out of our home and had to find a new home, you live in what is now RiverClan camp. If I told the others about you, they would chase you away, but I think I can convince them to move camp."

"What's RiverClan?" I asked, confusion swimming through my mind.

"RiverClan is one of the four Clans that now live around the lake. RiverClan, ShadowClan, WindClan, and ThunderClan," Mothwing mewed this to me quickly, and continued on about how clans work.

"What if...RiverClan won't move?" I whispered, eyes widening in alarm. I didn't want to lose my home! It sounded horrible, hadn't I been through enough with the Twolegs?

"Then you could join RiverClan," mewed Hawkfrost. Was that hope I heard in his mew? "I'll make sure you have a home. I promise."


	3. Island

Hawkfrost invited me along to explore his territory for a new camp. I followed him happily, after being cramped in the den with Mothwing, it was nice to get out of there. Mothwing was making sure no cat found me, so she took my den as hers for now. Together we had made the den big enough for us and some herbs, but it was still cramped. The easy stuff had been moved out, but now we had lots of clay and rock to move out.

Hawkfrost nodded to the island sitting a few foxlengths into the lake, "Let's look there. Can you swim? It might get a little deep."

I rolled my eyes at him and nudged him playfully, "No, I cannot swim and I live on an island in the middle of a river."

Hawkfrost laughed and licked my ear, "You're right. That was stupid of me. He slipped into the water and swam over, I followed..

I pulled out of the water, I was a slower swimmer than Hawkfrost, so he had easily beaten me, "Hawkfrost?" I called out hopefully.

A dark tabby shape knocked me to the ground and I gasped, struggling under the cat's paws as a low chuckle sounded from his throat. Sort of dark. Dangerous. "Surprise," he mewed with a smirk, bending his head down to lick my nose. I relaxed.

"Oh...it's just you Hawkfort," I let out a nervous sounding giggle.

"Who else would it be?" he teased, letting his whiskers tickle my cheek, making me laugh some more. "What do you think of RiverClan's new home?"

"Here?" I looked around in awe. It was perfect!

"I have to go tell the Clan. Come on, let's go," he flicked his tail, and I followed him, an odd fluttering, one like I had never felt before, beating in my chest.

* * *

"Move move move!" the yowl sounded in my ear and I tore myself to my paws, stumbling after Hawkfrost.

"What's going on?" I mewed, half slurring the words.

"No time. Just follow!" he hissed, the tone of his voice stinging.

The island in the lake was our destination, I realized. Why? RiverClan had rejected it as their camp, and I had stayed hidden in Mothwing's den. Why the sudden change?

We arrived and swam to shore, now Hawkfrost explained, "Blackclaw and I just fought off a fox. I'm okay, but he got injured. He was on his way to Mothwing's den and I had to get you out of there," his ice blue gaze wavered with emotion, "If he had found you he would have clawed you to shreds and then asked questions. I couldn't see you get hurt."

I blinked at him. Maybe it wasn't just me for had feelings for him. Maybe he liked me too, was that the emotion I had seen flickering in his eyes, "Oh...when can I go back?" I asked quietly, moving closer and pressing my muzzle into his soft, warm pelt.

"Never," he returned the touch.

"Never?" I echoed, stepping back and I whimpered, "You promised..."

"I promised to take care of you, nothing more," he snapped, irritation flicking off of him, making me cringe slightly. Oops. I made him mad. His voice softened at my flinch and he moved closer again, licking my forehead, "Island...I love you. I couldn't stand it if you got hurt. Please understand."

"Stupid furball," I whispered, sitting by him and rubbing my head under his chin, "I love you too."


	4. Mouse

I suppose you're wondering why my story is so awful. It's all happiness and sunshine right now, huh? I told you that we were in love once, but it began to change one night. Hawkfrost and I shared meals a lot, but he always was sure to bring home prey for his Clan. That way, they didn't ask too many questions. Mothwing knew about us, but we could trust her. Other than that, nobody knew that I was often alone on the island with Hawkfrost. That was my first mistake.

* * *

I looked up in disgust to the sky. It had been raining all day. Hawkfrost had promised to come today, I didn't get to see him yesterday! I frowned, wondering if he would be able to cross the narrow strip of water that separated me from the main land. The lake was swollen, like a kittypet's belly after a fresh bowl of cream.

I zoned out in my thoughts, thinking of Hawkfrost. He was the bravest, smartest, most wonderful cat I knew and I couldn't imagine life without him. I blinked, shaking my head to clear my thoughts. I had to see if I could catch more prey before he came. So far, only a soggy, scrawny mouse. Maybe fishing would be better than the island's limited supply of forest prey.

I trotted to the lake's edge, but all thoughts of fishing vanished when I saw the familiar tabby shape slip into the water, swimming over. Grinning like a kit I waited for him, rushing to him when he exited. He purred, I purred, and we spent a happy moment in the rain, pressed against each other. My last moment of innocence.

I led him back to my den, prancing around him as I always did when I was happy. He laughed and said that if I ever joined a Clan, my name should be Islanddance. I liked it.

Hawkfrost stopped laughing when he saw my meager catch. His gaze hardened, and I shivered. His ice blue eyes were intense enough without it getting harsher.

"What is this?" he asked in an almost level tone, a hint of a snarl entering his mew.

I flinched, but responded normally, "A mouse. What's wrong with it?"

He flung the mouse away and whirled on me, hissing, "What will the Clan say? I go out hunting and bring back a single mouse?"

What was his problem? I hissed right back, "It's raining in case you haven't noticed. Prey's hiding. Catch more yourself."

An odd gleam entered his gaze, softening it yet somehow making it all the more worse, "I intend on catching more prey. Funny, I seem to have developed a taste for little loner cats."

He was joking, right? Just in case, I took a couple of steps back, "How...i-interesting," I stammered, unable to tear my gaze from his.

Without warning he sprang at me, hissing in anger as he slashed an unsheathed paw across my nose. I yowled in pain, blood trickling down my muzzle, staining the sand colored striped fur red. "Don't disappoint me again," he mewed, speaking tonelessly as he leaned forward, licking the wound quickly, jerking his rough tongue across the fresh wound on my nose. I flinched and he gave me an apologetic smile, "I don't want to have to do that again."

He left soon after, carrying the mouse plus a vole I had managed to capture. He said that he would give me another clawing if I didn't catch something, so I did. It took me awhile, and it didn't help that my nose was hurting so badly that I wanted to do nothing more than curl up and sleep. I shivered, curling up in the soft moss of my nest. What had made him hurt me? _It's because your weak. Only a single mouse? A great cat like Hawkfrost deserves better than you. You weakling._

I opened my eyes, trying to drown out the simpering voice in my head by counting raindrops. It worked, but the voice had already done it's damage. What if it was right? Was I too weak for Hawkfrost? No. I decided. Today, he was just in a bad mood, he hadn't actually meant to hurt me. Tomorrow I would hunt all day and the day after, he said he's be here in the morning. I would give him all of the food I managed to hunt, except a small piece for myself.


	5. Mudclaw

**Sorry I haven't been updating. I've been really busy.**

I woke up. The rain had stopped, but my nose was in terrible pain. I crawled out of my den and over to the lake's edge, plunging my muzzle into the water. It was cool and it felt good against my irritated flesh. Time to hunt. I drew her muzzle out of the water, it dripped off of my sand colored muzzle and back down into the lake. I gave my head a small shake, scattering fish away. Oops. I made my way to the other side of the island, and carefully fished until it was sunhigh. Then I had a small meal and switched to hunting the prey that made their home within the small forest on the island.

Hawkfrost returned bright and early the next morning, "You've done well. Much better than yesterday. Yesterday was just pathetic."

"I hunted all day, just for you!" I mewed with a purr, pushing my muzzle into the fur on his shoulder.

"Island, may I ask you a favor?"

"A favor? Sure. Anything for you!" I pulled my muzzle from his fur and looked at him in adoration.

"My friend, Mudclaw, and I are planning to take down a tyrant leader in his Clan. This evil cat's name is Onestar. Mudclaw was supposed to be leader but Onestar took it from him. The scum," Hawkfrost mewed with a hiss.

I too, let out a hiss. This Onestar fellow sounded awful, "Just tell me what I can do."

"Mudclaw and I have to do some practice spars. Nothing big, but we need somebody to practice with," he mewed.

"I-I-I…well Hawkfrost I'm not a good fighter, you know that," I mewed, frowning.

His ice blue eyes narrowed in displeasure at my response, "Yes Island. I know that. But, you know what? We're going to use you as a test subject if you like it or not. Do you want that tyrant to get away with this? I certainly don't!"

He sprang at me, pinning he to the earth, digging his claws into my shoulder. I whimpered in pain, looking up at him in panic. "N-no Hawkfrost. I want to help. I do!"

He smiled down at me, "Good little Island. I do love you, you know that right?" He bent down to tenderly lick my wounded nose as he took his claws out of my shoulders, "I'm sorry I jumped at you. I don't like hurting you, but I had to make you understand."

I nodded slowly, purring as he said that he loved me. I would probably learn how to fight as he and Mudclaw sparred anyway. Then, Hawkfrost would be so proud of me!

"I have to go, thanks again for the prey. Don't hunt too much for the rest of the day. I want you rested for tomorrow," he gathered up my freshkill and swam back to the mainland.

* * *

The next day came quickly. I only had enough food for me, Hawkfrost, and his friend, Mudclaw. I waited at the island's edge, staring at the mainland. They would be here soon. Oh! There they were! Mudclaw was a dark brown tom, thin and wiry. He must be from WindClan, the moor Clan that Hawkfrost had told me about. Mudclaw hesitated at the water's edge but jumped in anyway, swimming over. Hawkfrost was right behind him. Mudclaw nodded to me as he stepped onto the island, eyes glittering with distaste. He must not be a fan of loners like me. Hawkfrost stepped out of the water too and he ushered us to the middle of the island, where we couldn't be seen by cats doing a patrol.

"Okay. Mudclaw, meet Island. She lives here. Island, meet Mudclaw, the _true_ leader of WindClan." Hawkfrost introduced.

"Pleasure to meet you," I mewed with a friendly grin.

Mudclaw only nodded again, speaking shortly but politely, "Pleased to have another cat join my cause."

Hawkfrost nudged me over to a patch of moss, "Let me show you that move I was talking about Mudclaw. Watch carefully." He sprang at me, landing on my back and latching my claws into my sides.

I panicked for a moment, rearing up in the air to try and shake him off. His added weight threw me off balance though, and I fell backwards. Hawkfrost quickly reached around me, pushing his weight down on my chest, making it difficult to breath. He lunged forward, holding his jaws over my throat.

He wouldn't kill me, right? Time seemed to slow, his jaws inched closer and closer. I tucked in my chin and jammed upward into his jaw, using my head to slam into it. He pulled back with a hiss, pressing more firmly into my chest. I flailed under his paws, gasping for breath. "Let me…go!" I gasped out.

Hawkfrost released his weight, grinning at Mudclaw, "Want to try?"

I looked at the brown tom in fear. He stared back, looking at Hawkfrost quickly to mutter, "Hawkfrost. Are you sure? She wants to help. Isn't there a better way for her too?"

Hawkfrost laughed, "Don't be silly Mudclaw. Island knows what she's getting into. She's just playing the part of Onestar or one of his pathetic followers, right?" He looked at me, a silent threat shining in his ice blue gaze.

"Of course," I said quickly, looking at Mudclaw.

"If you say so," mewed Mudclaw with a shrug, trying out the same move Hawkfrost had just used on me.

My battered body screamed in protest as both of them practiced the move again and again. It was for the greater good. For Hawkfrost.


	6. Dreams

I woke up, sunlight streaming into my den. My fur was caked with blood and my muscles were stiff from yesterday. I groaned, sitting up slowly as I looked at my fur in disgust. I bent down and began to groom myself, hating the metallic bloody taste in my mouth. The wounds were all shallow, and already mostly healed. My muscles still were sore and stiff though. I sighed and closed my eyes. Hawkfrost said yesterday that he and Mudclaw would be back in a couple of days, but Hawkfrost himself back today. I slowly made my way out of the den, limbs unsteady beneath me, but my stomach growled at me. I slowly made my way over to the water's edge, sloppily catching a couple of fish. Just as I was sinking my teeth into the cold, delicious flesh of one I was forced to the ground. I was about to twist away, run, use my claws, something, when the familiar scent of Hawkfrost flooded into my nostrils. I purred, "Hey Hawkie." I used his nickname.

Hawkfrost gently licked my wounds, especially the ones on my shoulders, that area was the worst. "How are you doing?" he asked gently, eyes scanning my beaten body.

"I'm sore, stiff, and hungry," I looked past him at my fish, my stomach let off a loud growl.

"Oh. Some exercise will help that. Don't worry. I have a plan. But before you can eat, you have to do ten laps around the island. We want you to be more like a WindClan cat, you're too like a RiverClan cat. So no more fish for you. Now there's no rabbits on the island but I worked out a deal with Mudclaw, he'll bring you a rabbit every other day. You'll have to ration it out, and in return for him doing that you'll have to get him food for his Clan, like the fish you have there."

My stomach growled again, so I shot him a pointed look, knowing that he could hear it.

"Do your exercise, and then we'll talk," he said, grinning slightly at me.

"Okay," I mewed, pressing my nose to his cheek before dashing off. The run was painful to my sore limbs, and some of my wounds cracked open as I ran, but at my same time I loosened up. However, by the fifth lap, I was gasping for air, so I paused, sucking in lungfuls of air. Just a little break. Hawkfrost, who had been monitoring me from a tall tree, hopped down and padded up to me, he raised a paw and slashed it across my cheek, immediately blood welled up on my skin, I looked at him in shock.

"No breaks. Go."

I nodded mutely, unable to talk due to the pain on my cheek and the fact that I was still gasping for air. So I ran off again, fear of being clawed again pumping needed adrenaline into my legs. When I was finally finished, I collapsed at the base of the tree he was in. He made his way down, touching his nose to my blood smeared cheek, "There. We'll do something like that every other day. The days we don't Mudclaw and I will need you for training. Are you still hungry?"

I shook my head, my stomach was churning, and I feared that if I opened my mouth I would throw up whatever remained in my stomach.

Hawkfrost lay down next to me, laying his head on my shoulder as he mewed, "I love you. I've been thinking a lot about us, you know? Well, I was thinking, once Mudclaw is leader, I'll get you into his Clan. Then, once the Clans are used to his leadership Mudclaw is going to help me be RiverClan deputy, and then leader. My brother, Brambleclaw, is being convinced to help us too. He'll be hard to convince but I'm sure we'll be able to-" he hesitated, "I want you to meet someone. Can you fall asleep?"

I laughed quietly, turning around to nuzzle his chest fur, "Not a problem." I muttered to him sleepily, closing my eyes and breathing in warm scent, and letting myself fall into the comforting blackness of sleep.

I woke up, "Hawkfrost?" The forest around me was odd. Everything was bathed in a sickly moonish glow. Little noises sounded at the edges of my hearing, but when I turned to face the sound, I could only see the shifting shadows cast on the ground by the trees and undergrowth.

"Island," a low growl sounded, and the shows shifted to form a familiar looking cat only this one was more scarred, and his eyes were amber, not icy blue, "I've heard a lot about you. My name is Tigerstar, Hawkfrost's father."

"Where is he?" I asked, looking around hopefully for him.

"He'll be here soon. I wanted to talk to you first though. Island, I see potential in you. Hawkfrost has told me his plans and I agree with most of them, except one. He says that you should learn to fight eventually, but I don't think so. I think that you should only learn basics, the Clans will think at first that we're doing this evilly, they don't know the power and greatness of our cause. You, little Island, with your gentleness, will be the proof that we do care about the forest, and by not fighting back, we could all live happily together. That's what I want for the forest, what Hawkfrost wants, what Mudclaws wants, what I'm sure you want. We will re-write the warrior code , and then you can have what you want."

I looked at him with wide eyes. Could this really happen? "Yes. I want the forest to be peaceful, I want to be a warrior, I want to…be able to love Hawkfrost without having to break the code he tells me about."

"Hello?" came the familiar voice.

"Hawkfrost!" I called running toward him, but the dream dissolved and I was pushed into another forest. This one teemed with life, and it was lit with pure starlight.

"Little one," came a musical tone.

I turned to face the sound, and I gasped in surprise. That face seemed familiar!


	7. Desent

"Mother? Is that you?" I whispered slowly moving towards the starry she-cat, drinking in her familiar appearance.

She smiled at me, leaning forward to pressed her nose, which felt icy cold and warm at the same time, to my ear, "It's me, yes. I came to give you a warning, if you're willing to listen."

I nodded eagerly at her words, just happy to hear her voice again, "Yes, I 'll listen!"

"Things are not as they seem. Leaf-bare has an icy edge," she mewed to me, pulling back and fixing me with a careful stare.

"Well, of course it does!" I meowed in confusion, tilting my head to one side.

"You'll know what I mean soon enough," she was fading, breaking apart into a thousand bits of starlight, shattering away from me.

"Mom, wait!" I cried, rushing forward, only to find myself waking up, at Hawkfrost's side. A second after I woke, he too, stirred and stared at me, icy blue eyes narrowed in anger and confusion.

"Where did you go? My father and I had to speak to you," he mewed sharply, sitting up and pulling away from me.

"My mother pulled me out somehow, I didn't tell her to, she just did!" I exclaimed, sitting up, wincing as my muscles were sore and screamed out in protest.

"Tigerstar says that a cat can only leave if they want to. So you must have wanted to leave. Why?" he mewed, icy blue eyes almost looking through me. It sure felt like it. Like he could see my every thought.

"Well. It did sort of freak me out. The creepy light and all. Then it was my mother who pulled me out, so I wasn't in a hurry to leave," I shrugged a bit.

"You can't do that whenever you want Island! Tigerstar can't meet again for a couple of nights! This sets us back, I hope you know. Your mother ever tries to do this again, break away! You understand?" he threatened, stepping closer and unsheathing his claws.

I flinched, unable to draw my gaze away from the sharp barbs, digging into the ground, "U-understand," I stammered.

He snorted, eyes alight with contempt, "I suppose I should let you eat. Not that you deserve to." He moved away and grabbed a mouse from a small prey storage, then moved back and placed it next to my paws.

I glanced at it, a few maggots were squirming in its fur, I wrinkled my nose in disgust and tried not to gag at the stench that arose from the crowfood. "Umm. I'll catch myself something later."

He shook his head, coming up to my side and slamming his weight into my side. I yowled and reached up and slammed my paw into the side of his head, "Get off of me!"

Hawkfrost laughed a bit, hooking his claws into the sides of my head and forcing my muzzle into the maggot-ridden mouse, "Eat it," he hissed. His voice was rolling with malice.

I shuddered and kept my muzzle squeezed shut. I didn't _want_ to eat it. Crowfood on an empty stomach was never good, I knew.

"Fine. If you want to be stubborn, then I'll force you to eat it." He mewed, sounding almost gleeful. He hooked one paw under my chin, sinking his claws through my lip and piercing through the surface of my gumline. He lurched his paw forward, carrying my jaw with him. I squeaked in pain and he shoved my teeth around the prey. He took his free paw and pressed it onto the top of my head. I bit down and the putrid taste of rotten flesh burst over my tongue.

I tried to spit it out, but Hawkfrost's paws made sure my mouth stayed firmly shut. So I chewed and swallowed, wanting to throw it back up. He forced me to repeat the process until the mouse was gone. Then he unhooked his claws and rolled me onto my back, slashing his paws down my soft belly.

Now, I screamed, flailing around, aiming for his eyes, to get him to stop.

"This just won't do," he mused, dodging my weak attempts, I had never really learned how to fight.

I snarled and raised a paw, slashing it firmly at his eyes, I missed, but I managed a good swipe just over his eyes. Ha! That would leave a mark!

He snarled in fury and sat down on me so I couldn't squirm away. He set one large paw onto mine, holding it down. He sank his teeth down and bit onto one of my claws. I was confused, until he lunged his head back, carrying my claw with me and releasing a spurt of blood. I whimpered, panic flaring in me.

"Hmm. Now you won't be able to fight back, and since you won't be able to hunt or fight, you won't be tempted to run away," he laughed in my face, then ripped out my second claw.

"Stop, please," I whimpered, letting myself be fully submissive, my muscles relax.

"No. I don't think I will. You won't learn otherwise. You need to learn Island," he sounded almost regretful as he lowered his head again to remove my third claw. This one ripped out unevenly, carrying with it a chunk of skin, and more blood. I started to squirm again, if he wasn't going to stop, then I was going to fight it. He quickly ripped out the last claw and moved onto the other paw, ripping them out just as I managed to worm out away from him.

I shivered, looking up at him with fear, blood staining my sand colored paws. Pain making it hard to breathe, hard to think.

"I have a patrol to go on, bye, _honey,"_ he mewed, tone sickly sweet as he bounded off.

I collapsed to the ground, whimpering. He was right. It was all my fault. It was my fault that I was so weak, so stupid. I didn't deserve Hawkfrost, who had given me a home, food when I needed it, someone I could love. If I kept messing up, I would throw that all away. I had to stop trying to do what I wanted, and only worry about what Hawkfrost told me.

* * *

Mudclaw and Hawkfrost came back the next day. Mudclaw carried a hare. Wasn't I supposed to hunt and trade for it? Hawkfrost would take care of me though. They swam over and Mudclaw placed the hare down, and Hawkfrost spoke, "Well since you can't hunt anymore. We've worked out a different plan, which I'll tell you about later. For now, we're going to practice the death bite. So go to sleep Island, we'll need the Dark Forest's help."

I nodded and curled up next to Hawkfrost as we all drifted asleep.


	8. Crash

I woke up, back in Tigerstar's forest. He greeted me with a silent nod, and I flicked my ear in return. Hawkfrost was at my side, and Mudclaw was at his other side. We were a team. Tigerstar began to speak, "We're practicing the killing bite. We'll try not to use it, only on Onestar and cats who refuse to listen to us. Most cats will see our side and agree with us, but first we need to know how to perfect the killing bite. I will demonstrate. Island?" Tigerstar's tail twitched, signaling me forward.

A bit wary, but trusting Tigerstar nevertheless, I stepped forward, my pale blue eyes meeting Tigerstar's amber ones.

"Let us begin," Tigerstar mewed smoothly, "Watch carefully Hawkfrost and Mudclaw." The huge dark tabby began to circle me, very slowly. I watched him as he passed by, he circled me twice. He stopped, right in front of me and sprang, knocking me to the ground. Acting out of instinct I began to struggle, but it was too late, his jaws were around my unprotected throat, sinking in.

Pain was all I felt. How long did I lay there? Surely for no more than a few seconds as blackness overtook me like a wave. It felt like a lifetime. Flashes of my life flickering by. My mother as I said good-bye to her when I was too old to stay in her den, meeting my father soon after for the first time, being found by Smoky. Falling in love for the first time, to a cat who never really returned that love. Long chats with my best friends, Floss and Daisy. Finding the island in the stream. Meeting Hawkfrost. Hawkfrost. Always Hawkfrost. Then, nothingness.

How long was I out? I sat up, breathing in the fresh air of home. Home! My lake island. I glanced at Hawkfrost and Mudclaw. They were still asleep, in that dreadful forest. Maybe I should make a break for it, find Mothwing and ask her to tell Hawkfrost what happened to me. Just as I was standing up and beginning to pad away a tail wrapped around my hindpaw. I looked back to see a pair of slitted ice blue eyes glaring at me, Hawkfrost jerked his head in the direction of where I had just woken up. Wearily I nodded, curling back up by his side and letting myself fall asleep once more.

The next hours were a painful blur. Mudclaw "killed" me first, then Hawkfrost. Over and over until Tigerstar said enough. Any more times and then I would be dead for real. When I woke up my neck was a bruised bloody mess, wounds from the forest had transferred to real life, leaving many painful marks. Mudclaw quickly left, not even glancing at me. Hawkfrost helped me into my den and left soon after.

I couldn't sleep. I was tired beyond anything, but fear kept me awake. Hawkfrost came back some time later, Mothwing at his side. She had a smelly mass of leaves with her, and sticky white cobwebs. She placed some stuff of my neck and wrapped it all up in cobwebs. I felt a little better. She left soon after but Hawkfrost stayed.

"So, in payment for Mudclaw and I feeding you, there's something you must do," Hawkfrost started quietly.

I blinked at him in shock. I had literally died for him today, and there was more? "Like what?" I asked wearily.

"Kits. Our cause needs more followers that have not yet been tainted by the out-dated warrior code. So you're to bear my kits," Hawkfrost said simply.

Shock pounded at my core, "Kits? Hawkfrost, I told you about the last time I tried to have kits…they were all born dead. I don't want to go through it again only to have…" my voice ended in a squeaky whimper.

"Well, then if it happens again, we'll have to find another queen, for Mudclaw of course," Hawkfrost started, then rolled into the rest of his plan, "You'll make an excellent mother Island. And once you're close enough to giving birth I can bring you to the Clan, and you can be the warrior you've always wanted to be!"

"I don't want kits. You don't understand what I went through when I lost that litter…that's not something you ever forget," I mewed unhappily.

"We're having kits Island. You don't really have a say in this. Unless you wish to starve to death anyway," Hawkfrost mewed, a small smirk sliding up his muzzle.

"Then I'll leave. Hawkfrost, I love you, but I just can't do this," I mewed, standing up and trying to push my way out of the den, but Hawkfrost blocked my every attempt. "Move!" I hissed.

"Move where?" Hawkfrost mocked, raising a paw and slashing it at my ear, tearing a little "v" shape in it. "Like that? Is that how you want me to move?" He dashed behind me, jaws clenching onto my tail as he jerked me close to him.

"Please…just let me go," I begged, trying to tear myself away from him, but it made the pain in my tail worse.

Then his paws were on top of my sides, cruelly digging into my fur. He leaned forward, whispering into my bloody ear, "I love you. You love me. We need kits, what other questions are there?"

I closed my eyes, trying to block out what happened next. Of course I couldn't and each moment became forever seared into my mind. Something in my mind broke then. I will never be the same.

* * *

The next few days passed in a blur, Hawkfrost left food, and tried to talk to be, but I was mute, couldn't speak. My neck was healing, as well as the wounds from when…

It wasn't long before Tigerstar visited my dreams.

"So, congrats. You're pregnant!" Tigerstar mewed cheerfully as I entered his realm.

I only looked at him, still refusing to speak.

"Come now, lighten up! You should be happy! You're helping the cause…"

Again, I just stared.

"We'll have to get back to work. I told Hawkfrost to lay off you until we were sure you were pregnant. Hawkfrost brought Mothwing to visit you while you were asleep and she confirmed it. Starting tomorrow Mudclaw will be back."

Great. Wonderful. Superb.

Finally seeing that I would say and do nothing, Tigerstar gave up, and I woke up in my den. So I was pregnant. With kits I didn't want. The father being the cat I still loved. Despite everything. I wouldn't sleep now…

I padded out of my den to sit by the shore, facing RiverClan territory. It was raining, lighting flashed across the sky and thunder boomed. Hazy feline forms appeared, locked in battle. They got closer and closer. They were Hawkfrost and Mudclaw! They must be doing some kind of training. May as well watch. Mudclaw broke away, running closer to the island, and me, terror clear in his eyes even from back here. What was going on?

Lightning flashed, so close it blinded me, followed closely by a deafening boom of thunder. Crack. Crack. _Creak._ A tree slammed down, its branches just missing my paws. I stared in horror. Mudclaw had been…just there. Not anymore. He was dead, crushed under the tree.

Hawkfrost talked to some cat that looked like him, then was across the fallen tree, which now served as a bridge. "We have to move."

I nodded numbly and followed.


End file.
